What is this world coming to!? Now, I’ll be the first to admit that I love a good fart joke WAY too much to be considered normal. My Mrs. Petersen will second that flaw. Bodily functions are like a higher calling for comics. I think it’s far better to think farting and belching and snot are more wholesome topics for children than all the sexual innuendo that hammers them from every direction.

Babies puking ranks right up there, too. Sorry, I can’t resist this little bunny trail if you missed the Super Commercial Bowl last night.

Back to the realstory… A school in New Jersey, called Camden-Rockport Middle School (What a name! I mean, they have to use an acronym to not sound like dorks, and it’s not working) has banned “intentional flatulence” due to a group of 8th grade boys who were being disruptive.

The punishment for uncorking some leftovers from Taco Bell: DETENTION!

I have a few issues with their new policy, so let’s have at it.

• If you bend over, is that a punishable offense?
• What if no one hears it, did it really happen?
• Isn’t that being unfair to kids who have a colostomy bag? They can’t get detention from the fart monitors if they tried. Poor kids. As if wearing a bag isn’t bad enough. Now they have to miss out on another opportunity to rebel.
• What if the girls see this as an opportunity to get the boys in trouble? Who’s going to blame the cheerleading captain? Sexism issues will happen, my friend.
• What about a doctor’s note? You can get out of gym class with a note. Maybe you can get out of restraining your farts and letting them rip with pure intent to gag.

This is middle school, people! Don’t you remember what it was like growing up? As if they don’t have enough problems, now they have to be exercise their sphincters. Can these administrators get a grip and realize that it’s just farting?

What do you say? Is this too much micro-management or a good policy to teach kids to behave?